There will never be a day where Beyoncé’s body doesn’t make me at least attempt to swallow my whole fist. HOW IS SHE EVEN REAL? ANSWER: SHE IS NOT. Right now there are rumours flying again about her real age, and to that I say, “How do we measure earth time on an otherworldly creature?” Do we REALLY know the actual ages of Tilda Swinton or Tom Hardy? No, of course we don’t. Queens and Kings are eternal. I suppose we could study fancy science and go on an expedition for ancient time-telling machines (like Swatch Watches), but do we really care? No. We do not. Partially why we don’t care is because women need to stop feeling shame for their age and feeling they have to say they’re 3 or 8 or 400 years younger than they actually are. It doesn’t matter. So. This shoot. I can’t say I’m especially into it. I don’t like the way the American flag looks, even though I was obsessed with Betsy Ross as a child and lost my virginity to a girl in an American flag bikini, and what’s with the rooster? Is it Yoncé’s new pet? What’s its name? Did it wander onto the set & it just felt right to accompany Bey in some of the shots? We don’t know. We may never. That shot on the bike is darling though, and Beyoncé’s torso wrapped in a pastel rainbow one piece has become my REASON FOR LIFE. So, all in all, not bad!
One of my favourite things about Beyoncé is that she started out great, but continues to evolve. Her work ethic is rivalled only by the creator of the Universe, who, according to some, took 6-7 days to do so, whereas Beyoncé can make 8-10 videos in 6-7 days, so fuck you God! Also, I feel like God really peaked at the whole creation of mammals/solar system/earth/wind/fire thing, whereas Beyoncé just keeps getting better. And while it’s true that B-Day may always be my favourite Beyoncé album, I still recognize Beyoncé as an even better artist than she was back in 2006 when I converted to Beyptist, and 2003, when she strutted off the screen and into our hearts in the Crazy In Love video, which I feel was the inception of Beyoncé’s power. What I’m trying to say is, Beyoncé is pretty great. As a model, she has improved vastly – years ago she pageanted in front of the camera, but now she IS the reflection of the photographer’s eye. She stares directly into the lens & makes sweet scrumptious love to it, and then we get to LOOK AT IT! We don’t get to look at God, therefore God < Beyoncé.
This set of photos is a real fashion over-stimulation! Instead of speaking of it in a general term, I’m going to pick a few specific pictures to point out. If, however, I WAS going to speak of it in a general term I would say: YASSSSS! COMBINE MANY MODELS/MANY FASHION-FORWARD CELEBRITIES/ALL THE MOST INSPIRED DESIGNERS/A MIX OF WELL KNOWN AND UP-AND-COMING PHOTOGRAPHERS/AND HALF A DOZEN STYLISTS AND GIVE ME ALL THE FASHION GLORY! I CAN HANDLE IT! GIVE IT TO ME! I CAN’T HANDLE IT! GIVE IT TO ME ANYWAY!
Something like that.
That being said. Please take note of my five favourite images:
1. Beyoncé in Givenchy & designer Riccardo Tisci by Anton Corbijn
I mean, duh doy. But this shot alone is gorgeous. Beyoncé as a literal force of nature (for she is the WIND!) with Tisci sprawled at her feet, confident that she’s bringing glory to his art. It’s perfect. Also, I love the way Jay Z says Tisci in concert. It’s adorable.
2. Caroline Trentini in Dior, Karlie Kloss in Oscar de la Renta, & Raquel Zimmermann in McQueen- by Jamie Hawkesworth
This is the second shot in the 27 page spread. WHAT IF I TALK ABOUT ALL OF THEM? I will try to limit myself. But this shot looks like a shot from an early 90s Vogue, which is the Vogue baby Bo was first introduced to, so it’s where my heart lives. What a perfect trio of girls to create this iconic inspiration. Also I love when models cuddle. It’s adorable.
3. Raquel Zimmermann in Valentino by Tim Walker
This is a perfect trio of talent, all made for each other. I wish there was an entire spread of just Raquel with her renaissance look, wearing romantic Valentino, captured by Walker’s whimsical eye.
4. FKA Twigs in Prada by Inez & Vinoodh
If I saw this Prada outfit on anyone but Twigs I would have just drifted right over it, but she can literally wear anything and use her doll-beauty and magnificently contorting limbs to make anything work. I imagine Inez & Vinoodh were positively giddy to work with someone as strange and artistic and unique as themselves. This shot is positively iconic. I adore it.
5. Nicholas Hoult in Tom Ford by Theo Wenner
This picture would only be more perfect if Ford was in the shot with Nicholas. CAN YOU IMAGINE? I’M IMAGINING IT RIGHT NOW! I have such a thing for anything that combines the stars of A Single Man + Tom Ford. So any time Tom is Julianne Moore’s date to an event, or every time I see Colin Firth I think, “OUCH! MY HEART!” then “OOH! THAT’S HOT!” Nicholas + Tom is my favourite pairing though. It’s just so much throwback perfection. My heart, it aches.
A few additional notes: I love that Maggie Rizer is in a shot next to Karen Elson! KISS HER! Is that the Bjork All Is Full of Love robot in the Edie Campbell by Tim Walker shot? I’m going to imagine it is and it’s inviting Edie back to her Bjork love-pod. The Cara and Gigi and Adele portraits are gorgeous! Such lens piercing goodness! That last shot bums me out and makes me want to overdose on pictures of women to make up for having to look at it. But we accept all parts of those we love, and I love this editorial!
Known King Beyoncé is the cover star of this year’s September Issue of Vogue. THAT’S GOOD!
There are only 4 pictures inside and only one is truly magnificent. THAT’S BAD!
One of the shots inside is making me want to shove everything off my altar & start anew with that photo as future inspiration for all my life decisions. THAT’S GOOD!
The cover isn’t great because Mario Testino shoots don’t spark any more and all his spreads are always photoshopped until all the life is removed from the image and then just one step further so something creepy happens, like a hand goes missing or no shadows exist. I mean, Bey still looks stunning, and the layout is great, but it’s still over-processed, and why would you over-process a Queen? THAT’S SOMETHING.
I lost the bit.
In conclusion! Beyoncé is on the cover of the Vogue! September Issues of Vogue will be traded as currency after the zombie apocalypse! Go buy 4 copies, make Yoncé proud!
These are three important labels when it comes to innovation, modernity, clean lines and profound designs. Out of all the designers working today, these are three houses that have some of the most important names in fashion – Sarah Burton, Hedi Slimane and Riccardo Tisci – who dress some of the most important people in our current pop culture consciousness. So pay attention, because this is a sneak preview of what we will be seeing on starlets, iconic musicians, models and all the people that make their personal style a huge part of their public image.
Alexander McQueen Spring 2015
The other week, when lost in the haze of repetitive looks during the fashion weeks, I once again felt like there is still a void in the fashion world that Alexander McQueen left behind when he died. Sarah Burton is extremely talented and has done a consistent job of staying within the spirit of his work – innovative, unusually, challenging – but McQueen was a genius who’s work will never be matched. This collection contains a lot of the elements that made this a label so important – the off putting face masks, the insanely designed shoes, the gorgeous attention to detail, inspirations from unexpected place – but it was still missing the touch that McQueen would give it.
Saint Laurent Spring 2015
I get ridiculously excited for the Saint Laurent shows. This is exactly how I dress/how I want to dress/how I would dress if I had the money. These clothes are so playful and sexy and cool. The throwback styling, the skinny ties and lapels, the insane platform shoes – there is definitely vintage influences but it’s all been done in such a new way that it doesn’t look costume-y.
Givenchy Spring 2015
Riccardo Tisci is our generation’s Yves Saint Laurent. Influential in ways we haven’t even begun to actualize yet, his clean, bold, beautiful designs, with their emphasis on visual imagery, black and boxy silhouettes on some of today’s most famous people are becoming a defining look of this time, the way that Yves’s slim suits, DVF’s wrap dresses and the Chanel suit define their times. This collection continues his vision, evolving it to the next level beautifully.