Yoga With Bo, January 9th 2016

January 9th, 2016|Categories: Bo, Health, Writing|Tags: , , , , , , , |

I find that I stick to projects best when I share them with others. Rachel is my Project Partner in many things. It’s an important aspect of our friendship, especially since it’s long distance. We’re there for each other in all ways, but sharing projects makes me feel even closer to her.

Our projects mainly revolve around yoga, cooking, and photography. This month we’re doing Yoga With Adriene’s Yoga Camp. It’s amazing! Each daily practice is accompanied by a mantra, which I really respond to. I like words mixed with action.

I haven’t been great about doing this project every day. This past week has been an intense week personally and physically so I’ve been grabbing yoga in small bursts here and there, but not taking a stretch of time for myself every day. I’ve done 4 of the 8 days though, so not bad!

I thought a good way to encourage me to keep it up is to share the video each day (on days I actually participate) and, if I’m inspired, also share my thoughts on the mantra. Join me if you feel inspired!

Today’s class was restorative after a week of challenging goodness. It was perfect for me because a) today is my gin-through-a-straw day (which is what I call the first day of my period), 2) my body aches, and d) my attention span is terrible lately. I have probably a dozen projects all going at once and I flit from one to the other like a faerie with melancholia. So just the actual practice felt scrumptious!
Today’s mantra is: “I choose…”

I finished the sentence with “to take care of myself.”

I choose this path my life is on. It didn’t happen TO me. I’m not a spectator in my life, I AM my life. I AM my choices. So here’s where I’m at based on my choices. I chose this path. I choose to take care of myself. Not just as a solo person without a partner for the first time in 20 years, but also as a human with a body and a mind and choice to do what feels right for myself. So that’s what I choose today. To take care of myself. I take control of me.

Bo Words: Kindness, Trust, and Vulnerability

December 10th, 2015|Categories: Bo, Photography, Writing|Tags: , , , |

Lately I’ve been ruminating on kindness, trust, and vulnerability. Becoming a PuBLiC FiGuRe a few years ago was super fun, but opening myself up to the masses definitely affected my ability to trust not only others, but myself (I think I just quoted Kelly Clarkson). I write for an audience, a large(ish) audience, and I second guess everything I say. I determined it best to be the most hair tossing, wide eyed, fashionable version of myself online and gather a group of close friends to trust with the disastrous part of me – the part that cries, lies, gossips, tells secrets, betrays confidences, drinks too much, denies personal responsibility and accountability, delights in the misfortune of others. The deepest part of me, the part that’s the biggest mess and the most raw, I revealed only to maybe 2 people and my cat.

When you trust people though, you don’t just trust them with the parts of you that are easily forgiven for being human, you trust them with the ugly parts of you, and you trust them to love you still. When you reveal your ugly though, you also reveal the pain behind the ugly – the reasons why you’re ugly, and those reasons are always painful, heartbreaking, sad, misfortunate reasons. When you trust someone and they choose to betray the trust or or judge the confidence, it hurts because your heart isn’t feeling their rejection based on your activities, it’s feeling their rejection based on your fucked up, broken past – the abuse-driven or mental or emotional or heretical reasons for doing the terrible things you do. The pain when someone you love chooses to not love you back because of your actions is excruciating compared to the frustration when someone on the internet judges you for the way you look or your taste in celebrities. Why, then, have I chosen to keep the ugly parts of me from the masses and trust my heart with people who actually have more power to hurt or frighten me? Why am I not locked inside myself, where it’s safe?

Because I believe in the kindness of others. Because I believe in my kindness. Because if I didn’t trust other people crippling loneliness would overwhelm me. Because I want people to trust me. Because you disappoint people and people disappoint you, it happens. Because it feels good to apologize. Because forgiveness and acceptance is a gift. But what do I have to lose from being myself with everyone when being vulnerable means allowing yourself to be hurt? You give others the power to hurt you, yes, but then you remember that it’s up to you to deal with your own reactions. No one has power over your ability to express kindness, empathy, gratitude, and forgiveness.

My therapist told me a few weeks ago when I was fretting about what someone might think of me to “Just be Bo.” She said, “People are going to see you however they choose, but wouldn’t it be great if who they see is you. Just be Bo. Just be you.”

So here I am. I am all the things I present to the internet: funny, clever, fashionable, pretty, body positive, cat obsessed, but I am also a disaster. I have said and done terrible things about and to myself and people I love and people I don’t even know because I was envious, or hurt, or unable to actually face my demons, so instead I buried myself in vicious gossip, dangerous behaviour, and unproductive activities. Making that realization frees me though – it gives me accountability and the ability to no longer indulge in that behaviour, not because I don’t want people to dislike me, but because I want to stop disliking myself. I want to accept the best and worst of me and accept the best and worst of those I love, but stop giving myself permission to misbehave because I’m sad, or hurt, or angry. That is not an excuse. There is never a reason to be unkind, especially to people you love, ESPECIALLY to yourself.

The worst thing I’ve done though, is attempted to shape myself into someone that will please everyone or kept parts of myself hidden because I was afraid to be judged or shamed. Every mistake I’ve made can be traced back to my desperate need for people to like me and not judge me harshly. People are going to judge me though. Not everyone is going to like me. May as well be myself. I can’t be bitter and frightened any more. I can’t. I won’t. I’m going to be kind. I’m going to be generous. I’m going to be accepting. I’m going to be grateful. I’m going to be Bo.

2015 Award Season Film List

October 6th, 2015|Categories: Film, Writing|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Award season! Let’s pretend Eddie Redmayne isn’t an Oscar winning actor who keeps getting roles he doesn’t deserve, focus solely on Fassy in Macbeth, and remember, always, eternally, that Sean Penn is still illegally in possession of Mickey Rourke’s Oscar. Hold on, here we go!

Here are my Most Anticipated Movies of the season (so far). Each movie is listed in roughly its release date order. Click the title links to watch trailers, find accurate release dates, and read descriptions and reviews. I will add to this post as more films come to my attention.

themartian
The Martian
Starring an impressive cast (though only Sean Bean made Su & I gasp, because we’re NERRRRDS), this movie is the Gravity that I deserve! I hated Gravity. One time, while not sober, I watched Gravity & took notes about why I was hating it. Then I forgot & found the notes like, a year later, and they made TOTAL SENSE. I also love Ridley Scott, despite his misses, his hits still keep him close to my heart. My love for Gladiator alone makes my heart soar every time I see his name. Anyway, the movie is being well reviewed, and, based on the trailer, The Talented Mister Damon has upped his charm-meter to maximum, so YOU WILL BE ENTERTAINED. The Martian is out now. Go see it. Treat yourself!

freeheld
Freeheld
Starring Julianne Moore and Ellen Page in a based-on-a-true story heartbreaking romance with co-stars Michael Shannon and Steve Carell, this movie is going to break all our hearts, and make up for us having to sit through Still Alice last year just because we needed to see Julianne perform. No one should have to suffer such a dull, uninspired movie, not even for Julianne. I believe this year we’ll get the Julianne we love, along with a truly well-told story.

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Crimson Peak
I don’t know if this movie is going to be good, but I do know it’s going to look gholish and gorgeous, and most likely be nominated for many technical awards. From Guillermo del Toro and starring Mia Wasikowska and Jessica Chastain (who I seem to often get into rousing debates with people defending, they’re both great) and Tom Hiddleston, who I used to not like, but now I’m kinda into (still most times I see him I think, “Oh dear, Fassy looks terrible.”), the classic ghost story looks not especially scary, but most definitely beautiful and the performances will be understated and entertaining. If it’s reviewed well I think it will make for a perfect spooky date movie this Halloween season.

room
Room
Based on the enthralling novel by Emma Donoghue (who also wrote the film’s screenplay), Room stars Brie Larson, Joan Allen, William H Macy, and Jacob Tremblay. The story is told from the 5 year old boy’s point of view as he’s held in captivity with only his young mother for 5 years, then escapes and acclimates to the world outside the room they were trapped inside. It’s an ambitious adaptation and, based on early reviews, sounds like it’s paying off. I’m very excited to weep.

Brooklyn_1Sheet_Mech_7R1.indd
Brooklyn
I’ll watch Saoirse Ronan in anything. I watched The Lovely Bones for chrissake. I’m one of only 14 people who watched (and loved) Hanna. This movie probably would have went under my radar, but it popped up and now I’m smitten and want to watch it and swoon at its retro period romance beauty. Plus the screenplay was written by Nick Hornby. That guy’s great!

bythesea
By the Sea
It was nice of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to let us in on their role play. This film, written and directed by, as well as starring the fiercest of evil queens/earth mothers Angelina Jolie alongside her life partner, soul mate, and beauty match Brad Pitt. This harrowing story of broken marriage, sadness, really beautiful locations, dangerous glares, plump lips, beautifully executed dialogue, and sex dreams is a beautiful gift. It feels like a fever dream, and I’m not sure I’ll believe it’s real until after I’ve seen it 6 times. In 2005 Brad and Angelina starred in a now iconic story for W magazine by Steven Klein. I feel like this movie is that shoot come to life, only without kids. Yay! Without kids! GIMME!

legend
Legend
So in this porn/film Tom Hardy plays identical twin gangsters Reggie and Ronnie Kray, one of whom is a bespectacled bisexual and THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW GO SEE THIS MOVIE IMMEDIATELY. IT DOESN’T COME OUT UNTIL THE END OF NOVEMBER. GO WAIT IN LINE.

carol
Carol
Todd Haynes is going to BREAK YOUR GAY HEART while you watch this stylish adaptation of the gorgeous Patricia Highsmith novel “The Price of Salt”. Starring Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara in yet another heartbreaking romance, it’s going to be too much. We will, as a collective, weep, and works of art that have been decaying with time will magically return to their original splendour. Truly great things will happen because of this movie. I’m crying just thinking about it.

thelobster
The Lobster
One of my favourite films of 2009 was the odd and disturbingly beautiful Dogtooth. Years later and it still comes back to visit me from time to time. Director Yorgos Lanthimos and writer Efthymis Filippou return this year with The Lobster, starring Colin Farrell, Rachel Weisz, John C Reilly, and just for sex appeal (I’M NOT JOKING) Ben Whishaw. Jesus fuck I love Ben Whishaw. What was I talking about? Oh yeah. The Lobster’s definition on IMDb is succinct and accurate and I love anything that starts with “In a dystopian near future…” so here it is:
In a dystopian near future, single people, according to the laws of The City, are taken to The Hotel, where they are obliged to find a romantic partner in forty-five days or are transformed into beasts and sent off into The Woods.
Farrell plays the lead who, if fails at finding love, chooses to become a lobster. His dog/failure at love brother accompanies him, and he and Rachel Weisz cross paths and have the best dystopian near-future meet-cute. I think I’m going to love it, but will I love it more than Dogtooth? Stay tuned to find out!

macbeth
Macbeth
I’m not smart enough to comment on a Shakespeare adaptation. I tried to get Ian McKellen or Patrick Stewart to write a blurb for this post, but they kept insisting on writing about Carol instead and I was like, “I’ve got Carol covered, please talk about Fassy and Macbeth!” but they refused, so here I am, making up stories again. I’m wary of Shakespeare adaptations, but excited enough by Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard and the thrilling trailer to put some hope in this being a beautiful work of art. Regardless, it’ll remind us that Fassy is an evil sexy iambic pentameter speaking fuck shark after suffering through that Steve Jobs biopic that I AM NOT WATCHING YOU CAN’T MAKE ME.

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Sisters
Will this movie, starring should-be couple Tina Fey and Amy Poehler win any Oscars? Nah. Will it be nominated for Golden Globes? Probably! An important note: in addition to the hilarious co-stars, the movie was written by the equally hilarious Paula Pell, who is responsible for pretty much anything funny you ever saw on SNL between 1999-2014. She’s a gift. Honour her!

therevenant
The Revenant
This movie stars eternal Oscar hopeful Leonardo DiCaprio as the grizzly good guy and Tom Hardy (WHAT!) as the grizzly bad guy. It also stars a grizzly bear. And it looks SEXY AS FUCK. I would exclaim my usual GIVE LEO HIS OSCAR, but that’s not going to happen. Let’s just accept this terrible fact and enjoy ourselves when we’re given a scrumptious Leo treat, especially if one of the layers of that treat is a delectable Tom Hardy surprise. GRIZZLY KISS HIM!

thehateful8
The Hateful 8
And finally, on Christmas day, Santa Tarantino gives us the greatest gift of all – his newest film, starring (among many amazing others), two of my favourite fantasies – Walton Goggins and Channing Tatum. I think ChanChan just has a small part, but I don’t care! C-TATES! Walton Goggins is a gift that we should all be lighting candles to and thanking the gods for, so get with the picture people and watch the entire series of Justified while you wait for this movie’s release. That show is like a modern day cowboy outlaw porn, it’s honestly just too many wonderful things. What was I even talking about? Oh! Papa Tarantino! The Hateful 8 looks every bit as perfect and entertaining as his most recent films Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained. I’ve kinda gotten to a place with Tarantino where I feel he can do no wrong. Every movie he makes is a delight. Yes, some are better than others, but all are wonderful. This summer I rewatched Death Proof, which he admits is his worst movie, twice in two weeks and I was enthralled both times. If a movie that awesome is the worst you’ve ever made, you’re a special talent. I’m so excited to spend the day of Christ’s birth with my favourite foot fetishist.

LesBeehive Throwback Thursday – Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman

October 1st, 2015|Categories: Classic Celebrities, TV, Writing|Tags: , , , , , , , |

This week’s Lesbeehive Throwback Thursday revisits Bo’s never-dying adoration of Lynda Carter’s depiction of Wonder Woman, along with fantastic retro images of the Queen of the Brunettes.

Whenever anyone asks me who was my first love, I always reply, “Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman.” Oh, there were other brunettes that stole my heart at an early age: Alyssa Milano; Shannen Doherty; Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins (I didn’t even know Julie was a blonde until I saw The Sound of Music when I was 12), but no one overwhelmed my senses like Wonder Woman. I was obsessed with her. Not the comic-her, though my obsession bled into the comics a bit, but it mostly stayed focused on the real life walking, talking Wonder Woman smiling at me all buxom and strong from my TV screen, eyes as pale as an icy sea, crimson lips parted in a mischievous smile. She became my idea of a perfect beauty, mixed with the mother I worshipped who also had dark hair and red lips.

I did everything I could to bring Wonder Woman into my life – I wore the underoos and effortlessly defeated my Superman and Batman clad brothers. I turned my Barbies into victims that Wonder Woman saved, or villains that she lassoed and triumphed over. When I was 4 I was Wonder Woman for Halloween. My Dad sewed a felt chest plate onto a red leotard, made me a headband with a star, and made me a lasso out of real rope. When my Wonder Woman mask broke, my Mom came to the rescue with her own Revlon Red lipstick, the same brand and shade Lynda sold in the commercials that I studied carefully, committing to memory the woman I wanted to become. She sold me beauty, but also strength, silly sweetness, and an affection for giant lensed glasses and buns. When I recall all the signs that I was destined to love women passionately and without abandon for the rest of my life, I count Wonder Woman as its inception. The little girl gazing at the woman that beautiful knew that there was someone deserving of a deep and abiding adoration.

Body Love by Bo Abeille, September 25th 2015

September 26th, 2015|Categories: Bo, Writing|Tags: , , , , , , |

I’ve been nearly every size. I was a tall, chubby kid, a size 14 by grade 9, and steadily gained weight until my early 20s, where I maintained a 22-26 for about a decade.

In 2010 I lost over 100 pounds and, at my slimmest, was a size 8. Over the past year I’ve gained a few pounds and a size or two, I’ve also started exercising regularly and can sometimes stand on my head! I’ve developed and maintained a vegan diet, and learned to cook with ingredients and spices I never knew existed.

I have loved my body at every single size, forgiving the usual pre-menstrual bloat frustration, or usual hormone or health emotions. I was very proud of my weight loss, happy to feel healthier and more in control, and excited to have a different shape & size to play with, but when I was big, I fucking loved my body. I had GIANT boobs and a puffy tummy that made Su swoon. When I dressed up I looked like a gorgeous cream puff, just pale bosomspace and healthy pink cheeks. At my slimmest I could shimmy into tiny skirts and they laid delightfully over the swell of my tight little bum. I discovered a beautiful bone structure beneath my beautiful full face. I cut my hair short because I never thought I could pull off short hair when I was bigger, which of course isn’t true, it was just a personal preference, and exciting to try something new.

I can describe to you, in lusty detail, an outfit I adored at every size. My size 14 homecoming dress from 1995. My size 22 corset-style top from Penningtons that I treated myself to for my 27th birthday & was the piece I was saddest to part with when I lost weight. My size 10 polka dot party dress. My size 20 hoodie that was the perfect shade of pink & I used to wear when I was sad & wanted to feel extra pretty. My size 26 tank-top collection from the summer of 2005. My size 16 dress that I inherited from Su when she also lost weight. My size 24 velvety top that I wore the day I met Su. My size 8 flippy little skirt that I’ve been wearing for 4 years and still defiantly wear even though I’m 37. My size 18 dress collection that was a little too tight & I didn’t care & would wear to Rocky Horror in the 90s. My size 12 vintage dress that used to be too big on me but now it fits perfect & makes me look like a brunette Joan-From-Mad-Men. Every size!

I’ve loved me and the unique beauty that is my body, no matter what. I’ve enjoyed food, exercise, fashion, and really celebrated the way I looked at each size. There have been disappointments at clothing that I’ve grown too slim or too curvy or too muscled to wear, but delights at clothing that fit just right. It’s something about me that makes me very proud – that I’m healthy, strong, and unashamed of how I look, no matter my size.

Celebrate yourself, take good care of yourself, and love yourself, no matter what your size. No shame, you sweet lovely creatures.