I’ve been nearly every size. I was a tall, chubby kid, a size 14 by grade 9, and steadily gained weight until my early 20s, where I maintained a 22-26 for about a decade.
In 2010 I lost over 100 pounds and, at my slimmest, was a size 8. Over the past year I’ve gained a few pounds and a size or two, I’ve also started exercising regularly and can sometimes stand on my head! I’ve developed and maintained a vegan diet, and learned to cook with ingredients and spices I never knew existed.
I have loved my body at every single size, forgiving the usual pre-menstrual bloat frustration, or usual hormone or health emotions. I was very proud of my weight loss, happy to feel healthier and more in control, and excited to have a different shape & size to play with, but when I was big, I fucking loved my body. I had GIANT boobs and a puffy tummy that made Su swoon. When I dressed up I looked like a gorgeous cream puff, just pale bosomspace and healthy pink cheeks. At my slimmest I could shimmy into tiny skirts and they laid delightfully over the swell of my tight little bum. I discovered a beautiful bone structure beneath my beautiful full face. I cut my hair short because I never thought I could pull off short hair when I was bigger, which of course isn’t true, it was just a personal preference, and exciting to try something new.
I can describe to you, in lusty detail, an outfit I adored at every size. My size 14 homecoming dress from 1995. My size 22 corset-style top from Penningtons that I treated myself to for my 27th birthday & was the piece I was saddest to part with when I lost weight. My size 10 polka dot party dress. My size 20 hoodie that was the perfect shade of pink & I used to wear when I was sad & wanted to feel extra pretty. My size 26 tank-top collection from the summer of 2005. My size 16 dress that I inherited from Su when she also lost weight. My size 24 velvety top that I wore the day I met Su. My size 8 flippy little skirt that I’ve been wearing for 4 years and still defiantly wear even though I’m 37. My size 18 dress collection that was a little too tight & I didn’t care & would wear to Rocky Horror in the 90s. My size 12 vintage dress that used to be too big on me but now it fits perfect & makes me look like a brunette Joan-From-Mad-Men. Every size!
I’ve loved me and the unique beauty that is my body, no matter what. I’ve enjoyed food, exercise, fashion, and really celebrated the way I looked at each size. There have been disappointments at clothing that I’ve grown too slim or too curvy or too muscled to wear, but delights at clothing that fit just right. It’s something about me that makes me very proud – that I’m healthy, strong, and unashamed of how I look, no matter my size.
Celebrate yourself, take good care of yourself, and love yourself, no matter what your size. No shame, you sweet lovely creatures.